I've done a lot of posting this week. Some of it I posted mostly just to preface this long story - so keep scrolling down if you want to see it all. The week before Easter was a full week, and I had so much I wanted to do. I did manage to do quite a bit of my "list," but I just kept thinking about the rest of the things I wanted to do but couldn't. I just was feeling like there were lots of important things, and I was failing to do them all.
It was Olivia's spring break, and I wanted to "go and do" and "make it fun" for her. Plus I had lots of things I wanted to do that week for Easter (we did the week-long thing, a Resurrection eggs lesson - a craft never happened, some recipes never happened). It was also the week before conference, and I wanted to kind of prepare -for myself, and to have some things ready to help the kids get something from it. Plus, making a baby blanket for my sister, not to mention that laundry I've been talking about . . . by Thursday, I wanted to say April Fool's, there is no dinner tonight. Then, Thursday night, I was telling John how I didn't think we'd done much for the break, and trying to figure out what we could do on her last (rainy) day, to make for a more exciting spring break. He reminded me that sometimes all kids really want to do is stay home and just play. She got to have a few playdates, and she'd had something fun she did to report to him each day when he'd come home. Plus, during the "mid-winter break," we'd gone to lots of different places/beaches/zoo/parks, etc. Even if this week wasn't the bestspring break ever, overall, our kids aren't so deprived of doing fun things.
And I did make dinner on April Fool's. No familyfun stuff this time, but they got to have ice cream for dinner. Actually, frozen yogurt and bananas, on top of chocolate waffles (my mom used to make them for us sometimes). Katelyn and Jackson got to the strawberries before they made it to the table. See, that counts for something - even if my only other prank of the day (switching Olivia and Jackson to the wrong bed while they slept) backfired on me and eventually put me on the couch (and Jackson in my bed) with less sleep for the night. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Why do I even admit this stuff?
Then conference and Easter weekend came, and I again was thinking of the things I hadn't done for that. We had our friends, the Finnigans over for the last session of conference and Easter dinner. There was so much about teaching children, the great responsibilities for parents - especially mothers, gospel learning in the home . . . I took a break from being inspired, and was thinking, "how can I fit it all in! I know plenty of moms who seem to, but I can't even get the Easter story cookies made or the resurrection rolls made, or Katelyn's scrapbook done . . ." Just then, our friend James interrupted my thoughts by asking, "So do you think you'll have more kids?" !
Late that night, I was talking to my sister on the phone about conference, about our kids, etc. I don't remember what I said - something about what she does really well with her kids (like never yell) that I need to learn how to do. She reminded me that there are some good things that I do. She could even think of one or two. So that, along with John's reminder about lazy-spring-break-days-are-good-too, helped me to change my focus a little. Looking back at the crazy week, I did plenty. I'm much better off if I don't focus on what I haven't done. There will always be more "good" things to do, and there will always be someone who does things better or accomplishes more. Moral of the story - who knows. Maybe read less blogs of overachievers? (but definitely keep reading here - and commenting, too). (:
6 comments:
I agree Larissa!!! And in fact I just sent an email to a friend of ours in response to a question. Here's part of it: "There's a song the Primary kids learned last month - He Sent His Son. There's one part that is especially special -- "What does the Father ask of us?" and the answer is "Have faith, have hope, live like His Son, help others on their way." We can't ever be perfect, so that's not what we are asked to do. We are asked, in my opinion, to just TRY and to have the desire to try even harder and endure to the end. As I type this, I see a half-full yogurt container Lucy left by the fireplace before she fell asleep for her nap, Elijah is watching his second TV show of the day, there are two laundry baskets full of clean clothes to put away, etc. At the end of the day I will think about these things. What I should remember is that I had a Primary meeting this morning where our kids had fun playing and we were productive, we were able to stop at the grocery store on the way home and picked up fresh fruit and vegetables, I took extra time to do Elizabeth's hair a second time this morning because she said I did an awful job the first time (sigh), etc. If we focused more on our successes and accomplishments rather than where we think we fail, I think we would be a lot happier. But is this likely to happen? Probably not until our kids are grown. I think it's natural for us as women and mothers to want to do better, do more, be better, and be more...especially within the scope of our families. This is a good thing, I guess! As long as we aren't too hard on ourselves! Easier said than done!!!"
Sorry this is super long. But I think we have to understand that "balance" is a myth and we can't do everything perfectly. Who gave us this idea anyway, Martha Stewart? If we pick what our top priorities are, the ones that aren't "juggleable" like teaching our children, and then all the rest we can juggle and sometimes "drop the ball" and sometimes do well. But the top priorities should always get done and be the main focus. :)
Too-shay, my friend. When I was pregnant with Joshua a friend told me that since I was going to have three kids the only way I was going to find happiness was by lowering my expectations. She was trying to helpful, but I was somewhat offended. I really do want to be a super mom and felt sure that if I lowered my expectations my happiness would be lowered as well. Sadly, I think she was right. I honestly can't be supermom/wife anymore and have stopped trying. Right now I'm learning rely on Chad and the kids to help and surprisingly, it's been wonderful! We do a lot more of the menial stuff as a family which has helped me to build relationships with them and not just with my list book. I guess you could say we're simplifying life and playing as a team...and its working!
P.S. I think I would have growled at your friend who asked if you were having more kids at the height of your breakdown.
I think its so interesting that I'm not the only mother that feels this way. I guess I never express it because I feel alone in my feelings but thank you for putting it out there. Cailean hit it on the head for me. I can go to bed every single night feeling guilty for something I
'didn't' do, but I really should be focusing on the amazing thing I have done and will do. I know I don't do SOOOO much but I know that I definitely am trying. Theres a fine line between knowing that you are trying and being content AND knowing that you are trying and not settling and keeping that fire to keep trying and trying harder to be better every day. Thanks for brining this up. I feel like its a constant battle for me.
Oh wow!!thank you Thank you Thank you.
To you Larissa, Cailean, Laura and Laurel. Gosh I miss Seattle badly.
You know, I've been feeling the same way and I remember once talking to Monica and she told me how every night as part of bed time she would ask her little girl what was the best part of her day and what was the worst. She was amazed by how the little things were the ones picked as the best. A simple I love you from her mom or a smile were examples.
I tried it and loved it! although kids can be horribly honest with you, (once Elena told me that the worst part was how my hair looked! we had been out the WHOLE day)
Like Cailean said, we gotta try and that is what matters, that we care enough to question ourselves so much every night.
I love having a Heavenly Father that knows me and loves me enough to help me be my best, and I can see that I and you do the same with your children.
Cheers to us for being caring loving and silly moms :-)
Laura - I am 99% I'm the really annoying friend who told you to lower your expectations because I've told that to others before who've asked me for advice. I don't think lowering expectations means you can't do a lot and be successful and productive and have a great family life! All it means, or all I meant at least, is that when you try and fall short then you can say "Oh well, I wasn't expecting that to go perfectly anyway!" It's a way of coping but not a way of life! Sorry :)
I read that list of what you did on your spring break like let Olivia have playdates and was pretty impressed. I thought about how I need to be more like you with all these fun things you do. I guess the moral of the story is to not compare, but to do what is best for your family. Pray for help in prioritizing. I get caught up trying to do TOO much too...it almost diminishes what you actually DO as a mother. Sometimes all the kids NEED is a story read instead of an elaborate dinner.
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