Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Joy Comes in Moments

A friend started a discussion on another blog on this topic:
Lately I have found myself having a harder time than usual being a stay-at-home mom. I am searching for ways to find more satisfaction in doing the laundry and sweeping for the tenth time today and constantly breaking up bickering, and cooking dinner. Do you ever experience feelings like this? What makes being a stay-at-home mom hard for you? What makes it worth it to you? What gives you daily satisfaction? Where does your inspiration come from?
She got some great responses, and if blogger would let me cut and paste, I would share some of them. But here's part of my response:
I don't really have the desire to go back to work. Deciding to be a "stay-at-home-mom" isn't the hard part for me. Doing it with patience and cheerfulness, that's a different story. Yes, at times I would love to turn my housekeeping duties over to a maid and pursue plenty of more exciting, well, pursuits. Once, while getting my hair cut, the girl cutting it said, "Oh, you're a stay-at-home-mom? I don't think I could ever just sit around all day like that." Right.
When I first became a mom, someone told me to remember the phrase, "This too shall pass." It didn't sound like very good advice at the time, as I thought, "I don't want this time to pass!"
But it reminds me that life won't always be this way.
I won't always be getting snacks, making lunches, having a dishwasher full of every color of plastic. I won't always have those days when I spend an entire mrning trying to accomplish the single task of finally getting my floors mopped, only to have juice spilled everywhere.
But. I won't always have those little hands to hold, the squishy cheeks to kiss, the arms reaching out, needing me.
The days of hearing squeals of delight from "I'm gonna get you" or seeing the treasures they find for me are short lived, as are the days of stepping in a puddle of pee on the bathroom floor. (Hopefully, you never know what the future could hold).
Opposition in all things. Motherhood wouldn't bring so much joy if we didn't have the bad to help us know the sweetness of the good.
As for the daily grind of sweeping, picking up toys AGAIN, folding laundry AGAIN, I don't know the answer to always finding satisfaction in that. And as for trying to get some cleaning done, while your kids whine and fight, and making it worse by being impatient with them, or instead putting on a movie for them (again) and feeling guilty about that . . . I still need lots of answers.
I love the saying "you comes in moments." It's okay if we're not always feeling it.
Something I read recently said to think of houscleaning as the special work of providing a place of peace for your family. (Though I haven't fully signed on to that rosy attitude). But I am finally figuring out how to keep my house consistently in some state of order, which does wonders for my mood. I have a few things I try to do each morning to keep the house running smoothly. If I finish those, I feel a sense of accomplishment, as opposed to just thinking of the endless work that I would like to get done. On busy days, I can let some things go (like the toy room), but still have clean clothes, clean dishes, and the living room tidied up.
Every job has its drudgery. But when we're old, looking back, I know this "job" of being a mom and teacher to these little ones will have more lasting fulfillment than anything else could.
One of my babies is starting first grade, one turned four-years-old this week, and my tiniest just started nursery. I'm starting to believe those random people at the grocery store who tell me, "They'll be grown before you know it." And Abby, it sometimes makes me weep, too! But for now, My Little Pony is about to marry Optimus Prime, and I'm invited.

So what's your response/comment to those questions?

3 comments:

Cailean said...

I'm surprised to be the first commenter. I think because you said it so eloquently already. The good thing is as kids get older, they can clean up their own messes and help with household work. I like to also zone out when doing mindless tasks and think/brainstorm about my calling or my school volunteering or birthday party ideas, etc. It is nice to think we are creating a peaceful haven for our family. Cleanliness and order is really of God. But some days it does become just TOO MUCH. And on those days I just don't do it. Thank you for an inspiring and thought-provoking post...or rather "essay." :)

Emma said...

I completely agree. I would much rather be a stay-at-home mom than ANY other job. That doesn't mean I love every minute of every day, or that it's a piece of cake. However get so much joy out of playing with my kids, and seeing their accomplishments, and realizing they do actually hear what I am saying. I love the joy that comes in moments!

Thanks for forcing me to reflect!

Michelle Price said...

Most days I will sit there watching my kids and think "I can't believe how fast they are growing" and wish they would just stay little. Then 10 minutes later I'm thinking, "when is he going to learn to tie his own shoes?" or "when will he stop needing me to get him chocolate milk twice a day?" or "when will she finally sleep through the night?". I guess I do need to remember that having them old enough to take care of themselves is not what I want. I do want them to be little, and to depend on me, for now. Thanks for the reminder.